| When you had your child or children your life changed | | | | most situations and can be a valuable guide to couples |
| from being focused on yourself to suddenly having to | | | | who are unfamiliar with the laws. The 4th thing to keep |
| consider how all your life choices would impact the | | | | in mind is that there is no point in fighting over property |
| kids. That is the way it should be. What is in the child's | | | | division. You can protect your co-parenting relationship |
| best interest should always be a parent's top priority | | | | and end up with more property if you divide everything |
| especially when considering divorce. The first thing you | | | | the way a neutral 3rd party (mediator) suggests. |
| should know is our adversarial legal system is not child | | | | In litigated divorce cases, child custody and visitation |
| focused or family friendly. The emotional and financial | | | | issues can be the most contentious and emotional. If |
| price you pay when you each hire separate divorce | | | | the parents can agree to a custody arrangement, |
| lawyers is higher than you can now imagine. | | | | which they eventually do in 90% of custody cases, |
| Before I became a divorce attorney I was a special | | | | they can avoid court altogether. Why should a couple |
| education teacher. My Masters is in Special Education, | | | | wait until they are on the courthouse steps to make a |
| focusing on teaching severely emotionally disturbed | | | | deal? Only 10% of custody cases are litigated. A |
| children, so I came to the law with a powerful bias to | | | | couple could always seek the services of a child |
| act only in the best interest of the children. The 2nd | | | | therapist to advise them instead of going to court. The |
| important fact to know is how comfortable so many | | | | courts typically apply a "best interest of the child" |
| divorce lawyers are in spending their client's college | | | | standard in determining who should get primary |
| fund instead of quickly and economically helping the | | | | custody. Wouldn't the parents themselves be in the |
| couple to negotiate a fair deal. After 8 years of | | | | best position to decide how their children should be |
| litigation and witnessing the total financial and emotional | | | | raised? When a couple works together in mediation |
| devastation of too many families I vowed to no longer | | | | they are in control of the final outcome, not lawyers or |
| take adversarial divorces and to do only divorce | | | | judges. When the couple has an intention to effectively |
| mediation. In the following 3 years, after working with | | | | co-parent by always keeping the best interest of the |
| over 150 couples with 100% success rate, I am | | | | child foremost in their mind, they will produce a much |
| convinced that divorce mediation should be the solution | | | | more satisfying outcome than if a solution is imposed |
| of first resort for 85% of the couples who are | | | | upon them from above. Child custody issues are the |
| contemplating divorce. So the 3rd thing you need to | | | | most inappropriate issues to be decided within an |
| know is there is an alternative to divorce court, | | | | adversarial system. The win/lose game that is played |
| mediation. | | | | in court always results in tension between the parents. |
| It is easier to deal with a situation when basic | | | | Not only will this tension negatively affect the health |
| information is already known. In the 8 community | | | | and happiness of the parents but the children will be |
| property states (Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, | | | | caught in the middle of a battle, ducking verbal and |
| Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Washington and | | | | emotional bullets as they fly over their heads. The |
| Wisconsin) property division is pretty clear. What ever | | | | adversarial system does not protect the co-parenting |
| was totally owned prior to marriage or received by gift | | | | relationship of parents and should be avoided if at all |
| or inheritance is separate property that goes to the | | | | possible. An emotionally vulnerable client in the hands |
| spouse who owns it. If it was partially paid for using | | | | of a "zealous advocate" who is more concerned with |
| wages or income earned during the marriage, the | | | | enriching themselves than in helping their client is a |
| "community" gains an interest in it that can be | | | | dangerous combination. The last thing to keep in mind |
| calculated. Division of property in community property | | | | is that avoiding divorce attorneys and court should be |
| states is one of the easiest issues to deal with | | | | the #1 priority if you want to protect your health, spirit, |
| because it is so clear cut. But what about the other 42 | | | | co-parenting relationship and pocketbook. |
| states? These states use an equitable distribution | | | | Ms. Rachman has been a family law attorney since |
| system to divide marital property. Each state has its | | | | 1996 and has become so disheartened by our |
| own rules that can be ascertained prior to starting the | | | | adversarial legal system that she walked away from a |
| divorce process. So there is some uncertainty in non | | | | successful law practice and now only works with |
| community property states but an experienced lawyer | | | | couples doing mediation. |
| mediator generally knows what the court will do in | | | | |